Tuesday, June 14, 2016

Four Simple Guides for Social Media in Dealing with an Ex

Social media invades so many corners of life. It allows couples to meet, deepen their relationship and document the life cycle of their union. The one area social media causes far more harm than good rests in the space following a break up.

Given the sensitive nature of an ex, people require a game plan to prevent themselves from making critical missteps leading to additional pain and struggles moving forward. Let's see what a savvy person can do after the relationship ends.

DO Take a Social Media Sabbatical

Taking a break from social media serves several purpose, some of which the individual may not even know they need. The hardest step to getting away from social media is always the first. People rarely realize the extent to which their life comes into contact with numerous apps and sites designed to keep people in touch with one another. Pull the plug, even metaphorically, as quickly as possible. The longer one waits the harder the transition will be.

DON'T Lurk

If deciding to stay online, it is ever more important to keep away from an ex's profile due to the types of information located there. Seeing an ex moving forward, who they are dating and their overall mood makes things more challenging and painful. Under no circumstances should one believe the falsehood perpetuated by telling themselves they only wish to see how their ex is doing. It may start in such a vein, but will end up leading into a difficult spiral which becomes harder to pull oneself out of the impending pit.

DO Mute the Ex and Their Friends

As with not actively pursing an ex's feed, one needs to remove incoming triggers by silencing avenues of contact before they become problems. This starts with the mute button. Blocking, in most of the major social media sites, broadcasts a cutting of ties. While this may be the intent, it also projects the impression of fragility no one wishes to present. The mute button works behind the scenes like a filter like the one keeping a former co worker's restaurant reviews out of your feed. Though small, this action reduces the number of active triggers entering one's mind.

DON'T Broadcast Love Life

The temptation to document everything during a sensitive period will be heightened, especially if receiving updates from friends and family. Getting stuff out of one's head can be very beneficial. Working this out offline will bring the best results with a minimal amount of outside interference. Writing in a journal may place one in a pocket allowing for greater peace. Also, keeping the ups and downs of starting over offline will prevent additional pain from displaying all of the starts and stops to the world.


Social media connects everyone. It makes life easier while allowing the world to shrink. For healing to occur after a break up, one needs to step away from contact for a period of time, work things out in safe place with friends and family and slowly reintroduce social media back into the routine. Avoiding landmines presented by social media will speed recovery. It takes patience, time and discipline. Though difficult, it makes things better in the long run whenfinding the right person for the future.

Tuesday, June 7, 2016

Ticking Clock to Get Back with an Ex

Rekindling a romance hits countless hurdles. One rarely addressed is how long does one have to reestablish a relationship with an ex. Though other questions exist, one needs to take time to evaluate multiple factors before rushing back into a situation filled with concerned. Taking a walk down this path requires a few steps before answering the question of how long become too long to return to an ex.

Factors to Consider First

A hard look at the past may provide a clearer picture as to the challenges facing someone attempting to reenter an ex's life. Seemingly elementary, most people skip this step for multiple reasons. Perhaps they are driven by loneliness to see their ex as someone they are not. Or things ended in a state of ambivalence, they wonder how the new relationship may mimic the previous attempt. Two important things to consider give a clear indication of how to proceed.

Way Things Ended: The parting shows the way things were during the course of a relationship. Pain over the end can cloud judgement. Seeing how each person left and the things said will help prognosticate how likely things will begin again.

* With A Whimper: An amicable ending often leaves the door open for a second pass.
* A Low Rumbling: Things might need some time to pass before one and their ex may consider reconnecting.
* Global Thermal Nuclear War: Accusations, shouting and broken belongs bode ill for any return relational status.

Current Relational Status: As with any romantic foray, those who have moved to another individual tend to not look back at past relationships. If the ex has found another person and is making a life with them, no amount of time will be appropriate while they remain together.

Managing Expectations

This can be challenging for people because of the dual fronts being evaluated. First, the relationship itself, both past and future, need to be treated as a new thing. This means setting aside past hurts and joys while taking it on face value allowing it to grow naturally. Second, one's own excitement or reticence drive expectations into unrealistic areas. Hope, love, pain and disappointment can supercharge how a person views things moving forward.

And The Answer Is

Reading stories of those reconnecting with high school sweethearts and rekindling relationships thought long dead provides the greatest indicator of expiration dates on relationships. Truly, connection and love overcome almost any barrier, even time. The constructed concern about it being too long is valid only in light of other, more important, factors. Time grows to be more an excuse rather than a true hurdle to getting back with one's ex.

This means if the relationship is right, even if it has been a while since each person went their separate ways, it can be rekindled and flourish. A wise person capable of considering all the key factors and managing their expectations opens up an opportunity to love with someone they know and care for. They need courage most of all to not let their own fear stop them from taking the risk.